Another 'Small' Thing to be Thankful For

Today Chris got his eyes examined and Mercy came to the appointment with us. As we were leaving, I took Chris and Mercy over to the waiting area while I went to the counter to pay the bill. Normally I don't let go of Mercy, but the room was almost empty and there were several doors to go through before going outside. There were only two people sitting in the waiting room and I could sense that they were dog-friendly. Besides, Mercy was really into 'lapping' him today for some reason, so I made sure he had a good hold of her while she sprawled across his lap and I went over to pay the bill. As I waited for my card to be ran, I looked over at where they were sitting (about 20 or so feet away) and I heard a lady asking him what his dog's name was. I automatically tensed - I always dreaded that moment, because I knew he would probably not answer, or if he did it may not be understandable. He would probably stim or get up and run to me. Now that he was 12, it was awkward to say the least.
But then I heard it. In a clear and almost confident voice he told her his dog's name. He was smiling like any friendly 12 year old, patting and hugging Mercy when the lady asked him if they were best buddies and once again he answered her clearly: "Yes!" His tone may have been flat, but his face was lit with joy.
I don't think I have ever seen him interact with someone he didn't know that easily and naturally before. So this year I am thankful for one of my biggest blessings: a lovable, silly, 70 pound dog with a coat and a heart of gold- as well as all of the people that made it happen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Still Amazed....

Just when I thought I was getting used to our incredible dog Mercy, little things happen that simply blow me away. Both times I wished I had a video handy to catch it.
As many of you know we have two 4 Paws dogs. Along with Mercy we have one of their breeding dogs, a beautiful but energetic rough coated collie named Keeva. We are currently working on a bad habit she has of jumping up - especially on Chris. Well, apparently Mercy has sensed our frustration and has on two occasions literally taken matters into her own paws. Two times when Keeva has jumped up on Chris, Mercy has actually come up behind her, wrapped her paws around her middle and pulled her off of him. The first time I saw it I thought she was just horsing around and playing, but the next time I noticed that her expression was not playful, it wasn't aggressive either - it was just 'determined'. Once she removed the troublesome dog, she stood next to Chris as if to tell Keeva "Knock it off". Then the next day I was sitting on the couch with Keeva laying over my lap while I brushed her. Suddenly Keeva starting licking my face in her 'extreme doggie kissing' mode and it is actually hard to breathe when she does this - she is SO quick! It is something you almost have to see to totally understand. If you have ever seen the Marmaduke cartoons where his owner is sprawled on the floor getting plastered with dog kisses you might have an idea. I was laughing, trying to breathe and trying to tell her to stop when Mercy came out of nowhere and 'pulled' her off of me like I was in mortal danger! What makes this really hard to believe is that Mercy is so passive she will let Keeva take all of her food and any of her toys - but when it comes to her 'peeps', Mercy is standing her ground. She reminded me of a school marm watching over the playground.
But that wasn't all, this is by far the most touching. The other night her boy was away from home without her and he was having a very bad day. He called me on Facetime (this is a video call for those that don't have IPhones) and began to get upset- he was headed for the 'meltdown zone', he had been having a very high anxiety day. All of a sudden Mercy was right next to me with a confused expression and looking for her boy, ready to comfort him. Finally she saw his face on the screen and began to lick the phone and to paw at it. Even miles away her magic was taking hold, the crying slowed and after a sniffle I heard her boy ask while starting to giggle: "Is she REALLY licking the phone?"
Small things true, but still amazing.

Thank You and Good Luck Mrs. Tracey!

After three great years today we had to say goodbye to Chris' wonderful school aide, Tracey. If you have read my previous posts you will know how incredible the people are at my son's school and Tracey was no exception.  She patiently listened to his stories about his chickens and she would tease him about how pigs were better. She helped him foster new friendships and do things that were hard for him-but within reason.  She not only encouraged him when the going got tough, watched out for sensory overload, and made him do his best work but maybe most of all she helped him develop his wonderful sense of humor and his basketball skills! This may seem trivial but those things boosted his social confidence and helped him make friends.

School isn't just about learning facts, it's also about learning how to work and play with others, how to be part of a group working on a project and yes, even about how to have fun with each other. Tracey helped him with all those things. She taught him how to laugh at the small stuff.

I was always so glad we were in a school that gladly provided an aide, but we were twice blessed because we also had a good one. The longer I live the more I believe that people and pets come into our lives at just the right time. So while we sadly said goodbye and wiped the tears from our eyes, we know that this time has come for a reason.

But here is the thing that touched me most of all: Last summer when Tracey was offered her old job back she didn't say 'yes' right away- first she had to make sure her 'boy' would successfully transition to middle school. He did. This is probably not something most teachers' aides would do. Just the special ones.

Mercy Marks her One Year Anniversary as an Autism Assistance Dog

Mercy hanging out with her boy

One year ago on July 1st Mercy passed her public access test and became an official working dog.
Although everyone else in our class of December 2010 passed their test on the last day of class, the embarrassing fact is that Mercy and I didn't. Mercy had to get through some issues of her own and so did I.
Ironically, I think that the process of helping Mercy get over her sudden and intense harness phobia may have provided a valuable lesson or two for my son and me.


Lesson #1: Don't give up on someone you love until you have tried every reasonable option.

We were given the option to change dogs, but something told me to give her a chance. She was perfect except for the harness problem and she seemed to love us as much as we did her! So we waited a while longer while the trainer gave her extra time and then we worked with her after she came home. Six months later she passed her test with the dreaded harness and she passed it well.

Lesson #2: Most any fear can be conquered when you have patience, persistence and understanding to help you through it.

 
Take the time it takes and each tiny step forward will build confidence. Mix something you fear with something you love to help keep your mind from obsessing with worry. In Mercy's case it was tracking. If she got to track Chris right after her harness was on, it took her mind off the initial 'itchy feel'.

For those of you who haven't followed this blog, it has been a year of unbelievable change in Chris. He has gone from being terrified to go to places as ordinary as a grocery store to being able to visit all kinds of new places - especially when his furry friend goes too. We recently went on our first vacation in a long time, to Washington DC and we had the best time ever. 

Mercy was good as gold - maybe even better.

Autism + A Caring Elementary School = Hope

Chris and Mercy enjoying field trip to DC

As Chris'  elementary school days came to an end last week I began to reflect on how much has changed since we walked through those doors five years ago. I will never forget how hopeless I was feeling about what the next few years would bring - especially when I saw how big and unimpressive our rural elementary school appeared to be.*  The building was obviously too small and overcrowded. It was loud and hectic. The noise reverberated off of the painted block walls and ugly exposed pipes and duct work. I felt like I had stepped back into the 1940's. This old school sure didn't look like it had kept pace with the times. How would my first grader who liked quiet and had so much difficulty adjusting ever do well here? My heart sank. I was admittedly pretty biased against public education after the struggle my older son had and from the reports I had gotten from the parent groups I belonged to. We had tried a small private school that had a great reputation only to find that he couldn't function there. He couldn't return to the Montessori school where he was before for a variety of reasons, one of them being the high cost. This was the last hope and it didn't look good.

Sometimes first impressions can be so wrong.

At the time we didn't know for sure what our son's diagnosis was. We did know that he had a very hard time in crowded places, he had sensory issues and he didn't communicate appropriately in a school situation. He was terrified of new things and crowded places. The private school was very concerned that he would hurt himself there as he crashed himself into walls when he was having sensory overload.

It seemed like Val, the dean of students at Clermont Northeastern Elementary had made the connection already. She was kind, knowledgeable and above all seemed to genuinely want to help our son. She assured me that she had just the right first grade teacher who could help him transition. I began to feel a little hope begin to take hold.

She was right. From the very first day he began to feel more comfortable in his new school. Each year his teachers would be selected with care and it always seemed like he got just the right teacher. His first three teachers were very nurturing and consistent, and when he needed teachers who would push a little, he got those too. He was quickly assigned an aide which is often something parents must battle for – even in affluent districts.

I think the difference in this school was attitude. They looked at my son and didn't see just the problems or make assumptions based on his eventual diagnosis of autism. They saw his ability, his gentleness and his quirky sense of  humor when he let it come out. They embraced his love of chickens and built upon it. They appreciated the way his mind works.

All of the staff joined in with his love of chickens and would think of ways to work them into his school day. They knew he would talk about them and it was a way to get him to come out of himself. His teachers gave him chicken themed gifts at Christmas and the librarian saved some old chicken books especially for him. He was allowed to keep small chicken figurines on his desk and used stuffed chickens as visuals for goal setting. One teacher even tried a live hatching project. He blossomed socially as well as academically and made the honor roll on a regular basis.

Chris (blue stripes) and his buddies

As I watched this happy and more confident boy clowning with his friends on field day it was hard to imagine that he was the same sad and frightened first grader who wouldn't speak or look at the other children. In fact, not only does he now have friends, you might even say that he is popular! Last week while on a field trip in Washington DC, his classmates all began to cheer when they saw us drive by. He looked at me grinning and said "I kinda feel like a celebrity". Indeed. Although the challenge of middle school looms large in the future, at least for now he is a happy kid.

It takes a lot of different interventions to help a kid with autism learn to cope with their challenges and to be the best they can be. It involves trial and error as well as going with your gut feelings. Even though I have credited Chris' involvement with his pets and his service dog as important factors in his ongoing improvement, his school experience has undoubtedly been a huge one as well. Having the input and expertise of all of those who have worked with him at CNE has been invaluable. In fact it has been one of the most successful examples of great teamwork that I have ever seen. It is easy to understand why this school was named one of the National Blue Ribbon Award winners last year.

I thank all of his teachers, aides, intervention specialists, the librarian, the school secretary, his bus drivers, the principal and the assistant principal. All of you are wonderful and more appreciated than you will ever know.

And finally, to all the parents of newly diagnosed children with autism or other special needs: Don't give up hope. Find what your child loves and join them in that love, build on it and embrace it. Surround yourself with others who care enough to join in too. Don't under-estimate them or limit them because of a label. Believe in them and you might just be surprised!

Yes, sometimes first impressions can be so wrong.

* Two years ago the elementary moved to a much newer building.

A New Year - Training Wheels and Doggies

Happy New Year!
Last year at this time we were anxiously waiting to see if Mercy would be coming home to us. It was a bittersweet time since we went through the holidays without her but were relishing our last weeks with Atticus our foster as well. Also, we weren't quite sure if Mercy would even make it as a service dog for us, which was hard to think about. Turns out that patience paid off and just as Chris said - "Jeremy did his magic" and Mercy made it.

Now there are two young dogs tearing around the house and how different it is since last year! In addition to the increase in dog hair, Mercy and our new foster girl "Keeva" have filled our house with silliness, mischief, doggie kisses and just plain "life". Chris has also made so much progress since last year, especially since our trip to 4 Paws. We go to all sorts of places now and have even been able to participate in some school events. Chris has tried things I never would have imagined. His world has expanded.
In some ways Mercy has been like 'training wheels' for Chris, providing support, building his confidence and being there in case he loses his balance. Just as a parent can let go of the bike once a child starts using his training wheels I have been able to let go a little too.
Things aren't perfect by any means, but having those small slices of normalcy are so priceless. Some have asked will he always need those 'training wheels'? I don't know. Right now though that hardly matters, the most important part is that he is going out and enjoying the ride.